|
At precisely 10.45pm last Sunday, when Spain took on Germany during the Euro championships final, wives across the UAE packed their bags and went away, safe in the knowledge that their husbands would not look up from the TV screens.
Serves him right, the wives said, for not noticing the new dress. Worse, for saying “huh …” and blinking like a bat in broad daylight after numerous subtle and not-so-subtle attempts to draw compliments.
It would have been far easier to draw blood from a stone, wives complained bitterly to their mothers as they inched closer to their maternal homes …
As if …
Stocking up
It’s more likely that wives have been stacking the fridge with goodies to soften the blow as they get ready for their summer break.
That’s probably why summer bachelors will breathe a huge sigh of relief, thinking: Freedom.
“The first few days are great — we become party boys. And we can go home and catch movies instead of watching Teletubbies everyday,” says Paul Orawo from Kenya.
It’s a sentiment that’s echoed by Henry Vermeulen, who’s “very very Dutch”.
It may not be party time every day but “you do spend the time differently and on things you like doing”.
Watching football, for instance. And, of course, sleeping.
The first few days are great, foodwise as well. Ask 20-year-old Sreeprasad J, who’ll soon be a summer bachelor of sorts.
With his parents getting ready to spend their holidays in India, Sreeprasad knows there will be no need to fret about his next meal when they’re gone.
“My parents normally keep enough food to last me a week,” he says.
Soon, however, the food stock starts depleting and reality begins to bite.
And summer bachelors soon realise that “freedom” is a euphemism for being all alone.
“Though I cook, taking care of myself is a big deal,” Sreeprasad says. “I will miss them a lot.”
A fine mess
It’s not only in the food department that a woman’s hand is missed.
“We also start missing the tidiness at home,” Orawo says. “Sometimes, we even have to part the debris to move around in the house,” he adds, tongue in cheek.
As for Vermeulen, “I HATE housework”, he says. He manages to tidy the house with great difficulty once a week.
The exceptions
But that, of course, is not to say that all summer bachelors end up making a mess of their homes and lives when they are on their own.
Bridget Harris says: “My husband is as good as gold. When I got back after a break, he had done the laundry and had even changed the sheets.”
That is, until the next football match.
Numbers
Need to know
- Food: All the takeaways around the house — pizzas, sandwiches, shawarmas, Chinese
- Gas: The gas company – assuming, of course, you will light the stove when your wife is away.
- The grocer: For phone cards, crisps, water, etc
- The laundry: You can get away with not washing the clothes but you can’t possibly go to work in crumpled bits of clothing.
Words of advice
What you shouldn’t be doing
- Inventing hurricanes on her return to explain why the house looks like chips-munching, pizza-chomping, beverage-guzzling martians have been stomping all over.
Not to mention the fact that they loved playing catch with your clothes and other essentials.
- Using the microwave and not cleaning it, thinking that the heat will kill the bacteria.
And when the microwave starts smelling like a drain, eyeing the toaster to warm your food.
- Investing heavily in shoe deodorants. Because when your wife returns and is assailed by the smell of unwashed socks + smelly feet + dirty shoes lurking beneath a barely recognisable deodorant, she (here, we’re assuming she’s a sensible wife ) will turn right back and make off for the airport once again.
- Stuffing dishes in the dishwasher in an attempt to tidy the house a day before she returns. Unless, of course, you’re planning to actually WASH the dishes.
- Trying to stuff three weeks of laundry into the washing machine.
Machines are not human and are generally unimpressed by the fact that wives can get very, very angry for something as trivial as three weeks of soiled clothes.
- Flushing cigarette butts down the toilet. We agree that that’s an infinitely easier way to get rid of them rather than using the trash can (no, they are NOT the same things).
But be warned, these toilets have an uncanny knack of getting clogged approximately six hours before the rest of the family returns.
- A welcome-back note is a good idea but not if you haven’t followed any or all of the above advice. It could even do to some women what a red rag does to bulls in Pamplona.
Inventing hurricanes on her return to explain why the house looks like chips-munching, pizza-chomping, beverage-guzzling martians have been stomping all over. Not to mention the fact that they loved playing catch with your clothes and other essentials.
Let’s hear it from the boys ...
“It may not be party time every day but “you spend the time on things that you like doing”, says Henry Vermeulen. Watching football, for instance.
“The first few days, we become party boys. And we can catch movies instead of watching Teletubbies everyday,” says Paul Orawo (pictured with daughters).
“My parents normally keep enough food to last me a week.
Though I cook, taking care of myself is a big deal. I will miss them a lot,” says Sreeprasad J.
|
