Diversity of cultures brings infinite variety to the table
One of the first things I acquired after moving to Dubai, after getting a car, an apartment and a mobile phone, was something many here like to call "the Dubai dozen".
As in, a dozen pounds of extra weight around my midriff.
It's something that happens to everyone, my newfound friends (and dining partners) assured me. Simply put, in the UAE, a huge portion of daily life revolves around eating.
Let's just put aside the fact that portions served in the city are bigger than the state of Texas, and that most Arabic sweets are dentistry's public enemy number one.
There's something about the way we live - and eat - in Dubai that is totally different from anywhere else, a culture of everyday dining out or ordering in, and luckily, we're spoiled for choice.
Eating is also one of the few things that unites every nationality, culture and race in this diverse city - bringing people together around a table full of food generally guarantees conversation.
One benefit of this legendary diversity is the availability of a huge variety of regional cuisines - and this at a range of prices to suit every pocket. Whether it's authentic fish and chips or tobacco ice cream, kimchee or katayef, masala dosa or Filipino betamax (try it to believe it!), you'll find it here.
Beyond the more unusual delicacies of ethnic food, Dubai also offers some opportunities to indulge in food from the world's masters of cuisine.
More and more big names are being drawn to the city and we're lucky enough to have had a Gordon Ramsay restaurant for more than five years now.
It's no surprise that, when Ramsay decided to open his first restaurant outside the UK, he looked to Dubai, where diners are drawn as much to great food as they are to the spectacle and surprises offered by celebrity chefs.
British chef Gary Rhodes was the most recent addition to the scene, with the opening of Mezzanine at Grosvenor House in September.
London restaurateur (and former Gordon Ramsay mentor) Marco Pierre White has followed suit, with plans to open an outpost of his Italian café Frankie's with (who else?) jockey Frankie Dettori.
Dubai's Festival of Taste last year was another example of how the city's diners crave a few stars with their filet mignon: Michel Roux, Sam Leong and Jean-Christophe Novelli were among the top chefs who dazzled audiences with their dishes.
One troubling thing about mega-chefs setting up shop here is that they generally don't stay to permanently oversee the kitchens. It's a charge that has frequently been levelled at Gordon Ramsay, although the fact that his restaurant, Verre, is still one of the city's top eateries should be enough to silence critics.
And in the meantime, some super-chefs in-the-making are working in those top kitchens, learning from the best, and hopefully planning to remain here with their expertise.
And there are already plenty of chefs flying below the celebrity radar, doing fantastically creative work at restaurants such as Tang (Le Meridien Mina Seyahi), Nineteen (The Montgomerie Golf Club) and Vu's (Emirates Towers).
But however much haute cuisine dazzles me, I've always got room on my plate for something that tastes great and won't bankrupt me.
For a good meal, I've been known to drive for an hour into deepest Rashidya (The Fish Supper, at Bin Sougat Centre, is the only place to eat proper soggy chips and homemade pickled eggs), stand in line for ages to be seated (Jumeirah Beach Road's Johnny Rocket's, worth it for the theatricality of the burger flippers alone) and endure screaming kids (Gazebo's fabulous Hyderabadi biryani: spicy, steaming rice under a lurid green pastry dome).
Dinner here is as much about fun as it is eating: have your picture taken by the waiter while you chow on Pad Thai in the charming Smiling BKK, where the bad-taste décor will certainly bring a smile to your face.
Or open your mind, eyes and ears for an evening of Lebanese extravagance with more delicious food than you've ever seen in your life, plus belly dancing and live music at Al Qasr, in Dubai Marine Resort.
And the one that got me that Dubai dozen in the first place? The excellent, flaky parathas and butter chicken at Ravi's in Satwa.
But don't just listen to me carping on about the best places to eat: if reading this has given you an appetite, head out into the streets of Dubai and find yourself something good to eat. Just don't blame us if you can't decide.
