A day in the life of Dubai's househusbands... Can spending mornings on a golf course or with baby really be that fun? And what do the women think? By Katy Christie
As Rob Duce left our group at a party last week, all the men sighed, "Lucky b******".
They were responding to their discovery that Rob doesn't go to work. He is living out every guy's dream of role reversal (one of them anyway) in which the woman goes out and earns the fils.
In other words, he is a househusband. But why the envy? Given the choice, would most guys really prefer to stay at home with screaming kids instead of spending a quiet day at the office?
As women break through the glass ceiling and command higher salaries, their men folk are taking to the kitchen sink. It makes sense that the higher wage earner does the earning, so why shouldn't it be the husband who wears the rubber gloves?
In the US, for example, a rise in the number of stay-at-home men has led to the creation of websites like www.rebeldad.com and www.slowlane.com, where househusbands use handles such as homo domesticus and crabbydaddy, to blog about their lifestyle choice.
And according to British government statistics, 20,000 men in the UK embrace househusbandhood (try saying that with a dummy in your mouth).
What about other men of other national ities? I spoke to some Asian colleagues who just laughed at me, and a male Emirati friend responded with the words, "Never will that happen in my house."
Popular culture has always had an ambivalent attitude towards such alternative lifestyles. Tom Sciavo of Desperate Housewives has had his ups and downs.
Prior to that Tim Allen in Home Improvement was a feckless but happy, hands-on dad. You will also find movie stars playing real life househusbands while 'in between' roles.
Kevin Bacon, who's well known for his tough guy antics, says, "I've never played golf in my life. I just wear the apron and scrub the toilets." Golf? Where did that come from?
To speak to a househusband firsthand, I visit one at his place of work, a lovely villa that could have come straight out of the set of Wisteria Lane. As I sit waiting for Rob, 42, I check out the surroundings.
In spite of Rob's married status, this is a guy's pad. Minimalist furniture serves as the backdrop for gadget city.
The computer doubles as a TV for three-year-old Sophie and as MSN messenger for Rob. A laptop on the dining table pings like a demanding child, while mobiles vibrate, desperate for attention.
I ask Rob what motivated him to become a househusband. "I've already had a successful business and it was time for my wife to get the vital support that she'd given me. Whatever she wants doing, I'm doing. Although once it gets too hot to play golf, I'll probably get involved in some business venture." Golf again?
Rob's daily routine begins at 7am. "I wake up the women, get Sophie dressed and make her packed lunch. At 7.30 I take Sophie to nursery then try to get to the golf club by 8.30 to 9. One o'clock is lunchtime and the rest of the day's mine until 4.30, when I collect Sophie. Later, I'll feed, bathe and get her ready for bed."
Wait, wait, wait... rewind. "The rest of the day is mine"? What about the morning's golf?
In all fairness, Rob is fitting into the mould of a Dubai househusband, while a maid takes care of the monotony, leaving him free to play. And his playmate is Adam Stockley.
Adam's main reason for becoming a househusband is, "Simply because my wife earns more than me... a lot more." Does it bother him?
"No, I think it's great. Many men are jealous. They think it's an easy ride, but it's definitely not. They say it's their perfect job, but I tell them it's not that easy."
Before coming to Dubai, Adam was a househusband in Australia. Adam, 31, is an electrical fitter, and it was after now 18-month-old Scarlet was born that he decided to become a stay-at-home dad.
He says life is much easier here, especially since Scarlet started nursery. "In Sydney I had to do all the housework. I didn't have the luxury of a maid. Now I have more time."
Adam and Rob use the time to play golf every day and their mutual love of the game probably gives them something to talk about with their mates.
I did wonder what a househusband's main topic of conversation with other guys might be. Did they swap recipes or discuss teething problems. "Sport," they answer in unison. Is that another way of saying golf?
How do women react to the set up? With adoration it seems. Rob recounts a recent trip to Spinney's, where he was waylaid at the vegetable counter.
"This woman came up and said my wife must be the luckiest woman in the world." Adam gets the same reaction. "Women tell my wife how lucky she is to have a husband like me."
Ego boosters aside, I want to know what the best part of being a househusband is. Adam impulsively answers, "Having time to play golf" before agreeing with Rob that "It's being able to see our kids every day and watch them grow up."
Aren't they worried about getting left behind in the career stakes? Rob isn't, as he recently sold a successful business in the UK. "I am financially secure. I could go out to work, but I choose not to. As for the future, I'd go back into a non-executive role, but not at the sharp end of the business."
With his wife expecting another baby in the summer, Rob is happy to continue as a househusband, albeit with the help of a nanny. Adam, too, is unconcerned. He and his wife are thinking of having another baby and Adam has no urge to rush back onto the work treadmill.
And then I meet Andrew Smith (not his real name). Andrew, 47, differs from Rob and Adam in that he has no children and stays at home in the small flat he shares with his wife while he "restructures" his career.
"I've always thought the woman got the easy end of the deal, staying at home and looking after the children. My work has never been easy, but staying at home now I have loads of time."
Andrew's daily routine begins at 6.30ish when he goes to the gym. His chores involve cooking and shopping; a part-time maid does the housework and laundry.
I ask Andrew what the best part of being a househusband is. "Not having to get dressed, being naked," he laughs.Would he recommend his lifestyle then? His answer surprised me.
"No, definitely not. You have to be a certain type of person to do it. You need to be able to keep busy and discipline yourself. You also have to enjoy your own company. I do, so I find it too easy to go off and do things that interest me.
"For example, I'll get home from the gym and have breakfast, read the paper, and then I'll go to the loo and read my book there. And if I'm at an interesting part, I'll stay there for maybe half an hour. I could hardly do that at the office."
Phew! That's a relief. So what's so bad about his life? "Not meeting people. It's easy to get depressed and end up not wanting to see anyone at all. I've now recognised this and make an effort to get out." Perhaps he should take up golf?
Before you all rush off to hand in your notice, here's one final scenario. As I make my exit from Rob and Adam, things get a bit fraught. A cat zooms under my feet and upsets a bowl of Friskies.
One child has to go to the toilet, while another makes some unfathomable request that only her father understands. Mobiles ring to responses of, "I'll call you back, we're doing a wee."
And as I exit this plush compound, I'm sure I catch a movement, a twitching of lace curtains. Is it another desperate househusband?
